Every Family Has Its Own Brand of Crazy
Dr. Matt Allison, LPC and LMFT will often be heard saying, “Every family has its own brand of crazy.” I grew up in a family as the youngest of four girls, and I adore my family. However, I can attest to Matt’s statement. My family is crazy.
Growing up, children assume that the narratives, way of living, and spoken or unspoken family rules are the norm. It’s only when a child gets older or observes another family that they begin to realize that each family has its unique way of doing things. As a therapist who works with eating disorders, I see a lot of importance in gaining insight into your family of origin and how your family system has shaped you into the person you are today. Every individual grows up hearing particular family messages. For example, I grew up with an emphasis on physical appearance, and there is no doubt that this contributed to the development of my eating disorder. I also grew up with a focus on togetherness and closeness, contributing to the closeness I have with my family members today.
As you begin therapy, you may be asked about your family of origin. The reasoning behind this is that everyone is a product of their environment. Your family system has had an impact on how you think, act, and feel about things today. Understanding my family system has dramatically impacted the way I perceive things today.
Understanding the influence of our family’s spiritual and religious background is essential, as these beliefs are often passed down through generations. This transmission can shape one’s own perceptions of being a “good” member of the family, influenced by the beliefs of parents and grandparents. Consequently, individuals may unknowingly develop and impose these beliefs on their children or partners.
Another critical area of consideration is the management of conflict and the anxiety that arises from it. The patterns and scripts established within the family of origin dictate how conflict is handled, how anxiety is managed during these encounters, and other related dynamics. These early experiences can significantly influence how individuals navigate relationships in adulthood, affecting interactions with colleagues, children, and romantic partners. As a result, during moments of deep emotional conflict, individuals often regress to the feelings of childhood or adolescence associated with their initial family experiences.
Engaging in individual, couples, or family therapy can provide valuable insights into how family of origin experiences shape current challenges. By exploring these influences, individuals can gain a better understanding of the sources of their hurt and pain, ultimately paving the way for healing and growth. Reach out to one of us today to begin healing some of that family hurt and gain insight into how it is impacting you today!
