Navigating Separation Anxiety with your Child
As many parents, caregivers, and teachers are preparing for this new school season, it is crucial to be aware of the signs and symptoms of separation anxiety and how to help your students manage it when it comes to attending school. Unfortunately, the worst thing you can do for your child when they are feeling anxious about going to school is to keep them home and homeschool them or have them attend online classes. This teaches your child that you do not believe they can handle their anxiety. Instead of learning to lean into the fear, your child will know that when they experience any sort of fear or anxiety, they cannot handle it and need to run from it. Instead, when you learn to recognize the signs and help your student cope with their anxiety, this builds remarkable resilience, self-esteem, and the belief that they can accomplish difficult tasks.
What is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is more than typical feelings of missing someone. It causes distress that interferes with daily life, especially when a person is anticipating or experiencing separation from a loved one.
Signs of Separation Anxiety in Children:
It’s normal for young children (especially ages 1–4) to show signs of separation anxiety — like crying at daycare drop-off or clinging to a parent. But if it’s intense, long-lasting, or interferes with typical development, it may be diagnosed as Separation Anxiety Disorder.
Fear that something bad will happen to a loved one
Refusing to go to school or be alone
Nightmares about separation
Physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches
Extreme distress when saying goodbye
Signs of Separation Anxiety in Teens:
Teenagers may not show separation anxiety in obvious ways, but it can still affect their mood, school attendance, and social life.
Constant texting or checking in with parents/friends
Avoiding sleepovers or school trips
Panic or distress at the idea of being alone
Trouble focusing in class due to worry about loved ones
Refusing to go to school or leave home
Signs of Separation Anxiety in Adults:
Yes, even adults can experience separation anxiety — especially during life transitions like college, relationship changes, or parenthood.
Intense fear of losing a loved one
Difficulty functioning when apart from a partner or child
Relationship clinginess or jealousy
Physical symptoms when separated
Avoiding travel or independence
How to Cope or Help
Gradual separation: Build tolerance through small, manageable periods apart.
Routine and reassurance: Predictability helps reduce anxiety, especially for young children. There is already so much uncertainty and unknown in a child’s day-to-day. Having that consistent routine will help them feel more grounded and cope with life’s uncertainties more effectively.
Therapy: Because separation anxiety shares similarities to OCD and phobias, Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy and Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) are especially effective. Both of these forms of treatment are offered at the Counseling Center of Great Lakes.
Medication: In some cases, anti-anxiety medication may help.
Validation: Listen, support, and remind them they’re safe and loved. Validation does not mean you validate the fear by pulling them out of school. You validate their experience while also empowering your child to believe that they can get through difficult situations.
It feels overwhelming right now as you are navigating through this challenging transition with your child. However, when you can come alongside your child, provide them with the professional support they need, and they can face their fears, they will emerge on the other end with so much more resilience and self-confidence, knowing that they can overcome difficult things.
